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April 19 - My father is all excited about the new "liberal radio network," Air America. Don't misunderstand; he's still a rock-ribbed Republican, a believer that George W. Bush is the greatest president since Reagan (and that Reagan was the greatest president since, well, since Lincoln, of course!). There's not a Republican scandal my father won't ignore (Iran-Contra? "Sure it was illegal, but he did it for the right reasons," he has said. The missing WMDs? "Sure, he probably overstated the danger, but he did it for the right reasons." You get the idea). And there's not a Democrat since Truman whom he has respected (except Joe Lieberman, but we all know that foreskin is thicker than water).
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Of course, my father's enthusiasm has a selfish element to it. Ever since my first job in journalism (it was at a professional wrestling magazine, but that's not important right now), my father has dreamed of doing a "Point/Counterpoint"-style radio show pitting me (the proud-but-credible young liberal) against him (the defiant-but-fairly mainstream old conservative). Maybe the old man is right (he must be, because he's wrong on everything else). Problem is, I had no tapes of our previous knock-down, drag-out phone debates (too bad; that six-hour argument during the Florida debacle in 2000 was a classic). So to prove our mettle, I called him up and started firing questions. The result is our official audition tape. Here's the transcript:
GERSH: OK, let's start with a softball. How did you think your president did at his news conference this week?
DAD: Very well, of course. He didn't fall into the traps that the liberal press set for him—wanting him to admit he made a mistake. That's not reporting the news; that's playing "Gotcha" with the president.
GERSH: I couldn't disagree more. It's not "Gotcha" to ask the president if he regrets telling the world that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction when, in fact, he did not. Doesn't it bother you that the man has no capacity for self-analysis? I'm no psychologist (although I should be, considering how many I'm paying right now), but Bush is the kind of guy who won't dig deep because he's afraid that if he thinks an issue all the way through, he might have to change his mind. He doesn't like debate—no, that would appear weak. He just steamrolls ahead—and calls it "leadership."
DAD: Look, asking whether he thinks he's made any mistakes is a ridiculous question. I am sure that George Bush knows in his head and his heart what part of his Iraq policy hasn't gone exactly as he wanted, but why should he give Kerry a soundbite for his campaign ads?
GERSH: Well, then, answer the actual question: Which part of the Iraq policy was a mistake—and please try to limit your answer to 45 minutes.
DAD: Very funny, but I don't think there's been any mistake. (Dad pauses for a un-Bush-like moment of reflection). OK, there has been one mistake: Completely misunderstanding the insanity of the Islamic fundamentalists in Iraq! We're trying to give them democracy and they're killing us.
GERSH: Again, you're making my point about Bush. It's a typically American hubris to think we alone know the cure for whatever ails every country on the planet and then complain when they won't take their medicine.
DAD: It's not hubris. It's past performance. We've done it before—all the way back to World War I. Europe was ruled by brutal kings and dictators for centuries, but we changed that forever. And we changed Japan. And even Russia is getting there. You call it hubris, but the alternative is even worse: hiding from injustice.
GERSH: Why is Iraq turning out to be so hard, though? Don't you think it's because this administration is great at planning a big vision, but horrible at actually working out the details?
DAD: He wasn't wrong to think that we should have been welcomed in as liberators. It's true, we're not. This guy Moqtada al-Sadr, whose father was killed by Saddam, should be kissing our feet for getting rid of that dictator. Instead, he's fighting us. No one could have anticipated that.
GERSH: No one? Al-Sadr is a fundamentalist Shiite! Those people have been the sworn enemies of the West since the Iran hostage crisis! It doesn't take a lot of intelligence to anticipate that the Shiites might not welcome us in.
DAD: OK, yes, we underestimated the Shiite hostility towards the United States. But everyone, including [John] Kerry, agrees that bringing democracy to Iraq is a good thing. So what else is Bush supposed to do but finish the job?
GERSH: He's supposed to finish it quickly and successfully, not hand us the bloodiest week of the war a full year after the "war" is supposed to be over. Here is a guy who tells America that he couldn't have prevented the 9/11 attacks because the warnings were so "vague" and "non-specific"—then goes to war in Iraq based entirely on intelligence that was vague and non-specific.
DAD: CIA director George Tenet came to Bush and said, "Saddam has WMDs. We know where they are." And Bush pushed and pushed and pushed and when Tenet didn't back down, he trusted him. That's what a good boss does.
GERSH: But the information turned out to be wrong! A good boss would acknowledge that. Onto another timely topic. Did you see that the EPA has declared that more than 150 Americans—in 31 states—are breathing unhealthy air? So, it's pop quiz time: Which of the following policies is the Bush administration pursuing: tightening clean air regulations or loosening clean air regulations? As you might have guessed, this is a trick question.
DAD: I'm sure he's tightening them.
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GERSH: As John McLaughlin used to say, "Wrong!" He's loosening them so that power plants can save money that should be spent on cleaning up their emissions. It's all in the name of not hurting the economy.
DAD: Well, if that's the argument, I support him. See, the thing you Democrats forget is that big corporations are the backbone of capitalism.
GERSH: And campaign contributions.
DAD: Yes, big corporations are the Republicans' special interest group. But I'd gladly take them over your special interests: trial lawyers and civil service unions. Besides, the air and water in the United States are much cleaner than they were 40 years ago.
GERSH: And why do you think that is?
DAD: Partly because of regulations, of course, but mostly because corporations cooperated willingly.
GERSH: I can assure you it was not willingly.
DAD: Bush wants clean air and water. He just doesn't want to place an undue burden on corporations.
GERSH: Of course not; it could mean a few million less in campaign contributions! Well, that's all the time we have for this week. Hey, Dad, you know, this isn't such a bad show?
DAD: Half of it was good. You might even be too liberal for "liberal radio."
Gersh Kuntzman is also Brooklyn bureau chief for The New York Post. His website is at http://www.gersh.tv
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