| | | | ORTIZ (D-SACRAMENTO) INTRODUCED a bill last month that would create a two-cent-per-can tax on soda pop and other sweetened drinks. The goal is to do more than close California’s yawning budget deficit, but, Ortiz says, change the “Big Gulp” culture that has led to our nation’s staggering rates of childhood obesity. | |
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“I don’t think there’s any one staple of a child or teenager’s diet that is so utterly devoid of any nutritional value as soda,” Ortiz, a soft drink abstainer, told the L.A. Times. Ortiz cited a 2001 study in the Lancet, a British medical journal, that showed that the risk of childhood obesity rises by 60 percent for each additional soda serving consumed per day.
Cigarette taxes have dramatically reduced the number of smokers in America while simultaneously raising money to offset the health care costs of smoking-related diseases. So, the logic goes, why not use the same strategy to discourage unhealthy beverage consumption while also creating a pool of money to cover the longterm implications of our drinking habits?
Ortiz’s timing is certainly right; we’re the fattest people on the planet (no wonder we throw our weight around so damn much). A recent Harris Poll indicated that 80 percent of Americans are overweight, up from 58 percent in 1983. Other studies show that nationwide, rates of obesity have doubled and the number of overweight adolescents has tripled in the last 20 years. During the same period, soft drink consumption has doubled. And a recent survey conducted by this reporter revealed that no American should wear tight velour sweatpants. No wonder SUVs are so popular; we can’t fit into anything smaller.
This being America, where nothing is defended more militantly than the sacred right to behave as socially, environmentally or nutritionally repugnantly as one wants, Ortiz has found her proposal subjected to ridicule, derision and contempt.
“Where will this ever stop?” asked California Assemblyman John Campbell (R-Irvine), who has indicated that he has no intention of allowing a bill that might encourage better diets to become law. “Are they going to tax the butter on my carrots because carrots are healthier without butter?” (I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something in that comment that makes me think that John Campbell doesn’t even eat carrots. Maybe it’s the image of the Assemblyman so repulsed by healthy vegetables that he needs to slather them with rendered cow fat just to get them down.) | |
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Another critic, a lobbyist for the soft drink industry, mocked Ortiz by claiming that, given Americans’ increasing sedentary lifestyles, she might seek to tax couches next.
The Libertarian Party (“The Party of Principle!”) put out a statement that practically demanded a Constitutional amendment barring the government from even suggesting that we occasionally remove our heads from our feed troughs long enough to think about our eating habits.
“What you eat, and how much you eat, are matters of personal preference,” said Libertarian Party spokesman George Getz. “Politicians shouldn’t be allowed to raid our refrigerators or tax our Twinkies in the name of so-called public health.” (Hmm, a new twist on the Twinkie Defense!)
Even journalists, those supposedly objective truth-seekers, have been harsh. The news radio station in my hometown covered Ortiz’s proposal in its sarcastic segment called, “You Can’t Make this Stuff Up,” and featured it alongside stories about a stripper-turned-mayor, Chinese garbage trucks that will teach English, and a woman who saw “E.T.” 773 times.
In fact, the only people who seemed OK with Ortiz’s bill were Jolt drinkers (“the espresso of colas!”). Apparently, they were relieved that Ortiz’s bill would tax all sodas equally, meaning that Jolt drinkers will be able to enjoy “all the sugar and twice the caffeine!” yet pay the same tax as drinkers of more conventional carbonated sugar water. | |
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But the reason I am such a big fan of Deborah Ortiz is a long and painful story. I makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it, but if it can save even one life, it’ll be worth my retelling. (Cue inspirational music. Can I get a tissue here?)
You see, readers, I was not always the gorgeous hunk of manhood you see in the picture at the top of this column. In fact, I was grotesque, a victim of the very disease that Ortiz hopes to ameliorate. I was—it brings chills just to remember those days—an apple juice addict.
Back in those days, we didn’t have courageous folks like Deborah Ortiz wielding the power of the government like a can of Ultra Slim Fast. Who knew that my addiction was slowly killing me? I thought I was on the road to good health when I substituted seemingly healthy apple juice for all the Coca-Cola I had been drinking.
And even as my weight skyrocketed to more than 200 pounds (only 75 pounds on Mars), I never knew it was the apple juice that was the villain. I was drinking a half-gallon of the stuff every day, convinced I was being healthy. Sure, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but 16 apples a day will get even the most ornery dietitian to make a house call.
Finally, a group of friends gave me a much-needed intervention and got me on the right path. I switched to water and dropped the weight in no time. It really is, if I do say so myself, a gripping story of redemption. And you can do it, too. Call it the “Appleholics Anonymous” program—and you don’t even need 12 steps to save yourself. Just follow this easy regimen: Step 1: Eliminate sugar-filled beverages. Step 2: Repeat. Step 3: Lay off Deborah Ortiz; she knows what’s good for you.
Gersh Kuntzman is also a columnist for The New York Post. His Web site is at http://www.gersh.tv
© 2002 Newsweek, Inc.
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