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THE MYTHIC DEAL has long figured in New Yorkers’ swaggering self-confidence. We got this place for a mere $24! Now it’s worth trillions! But I’ve always had a different interpretation. It wasn’t the Dutch who got the great deal; it was the Lenape. Native Americans didn’t “own” land, strictly speaking. As they saw it, the deal allowed them to walk off with valuable trinkets—yet surrender nothing. It was the New World’s first big con.
The ghost of the Lenape haunted city hall the other day, when Mayor Mike Bloomberg became the first mayor to accept my interpretation of New York’s founding myth. Strapped for cash, he let it be known that, henceforth, the city would begin selling a commodity it doesn’t own: its good name.
Officially, Bloomberg was announcing the hiring of the city’s first-ever chief marketing officer. His job? To “aggressively market all of our competitive advantages and centralize them into a comprehensive value proposition to corporate sponsors and build a consistent brand.”
Understand? Don’t worry, nobody else did. Apparently, the mayor hopes to “sell” corporations the right to affiliate themselves with a New York City landmark. In other words, a famous soft-drink manufacturer could put up $10 million to plant trees. In return, the city would install a plaque that reads WELCOME TO THE TROPICANA GROVE. Actually, New York has been doing this for years. Some time ago, for instance, the Central Park Children’s Zoo was officially renamed the Tisch Children’s Zoo, after the rich guy who funded its renovation. More recently came the phenomenon of patronymic subdivision. An example is a two-foot-long walkway in the zoo called the Robert Wood Johnson Children’s Bridge. C’mon, the guy was a pharmaceuticals bazillionaire! He needs a miniature bridge, too?
With New York heading into its worst fiscal crisis ever, Bloomberg clearly needs money. His latest “doomsday” budget cuts thousands of police officers, closes firehouses, reduces trash pickups and shuts senior centers, zoos and public pools. That means the mayor’s new marketing whiz, like Iraq’s former Information minister, will no doubt be forced into even more outlandish sales pitches:
Zoo animals wandering through the city because no one is minding their cages? That’s not a crisis, he will announce. It’s Safari-land New York!
No after-school programs? Those aren’t packs of kids marauding all over the city, it’s the first-ever citywide game of capture the flag!
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The Shiite Role in New Iraqi Government
