July 26 - You had to feel sorry for David Cobb. Here he was, a presidential candidate sweeping through Times Square the other day, and not even the guy holding a sign reading "Why lie? I need beer" could be bothered to care.

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Actually "sweeping through" is a bit of an exaggeration. After all, when you're the Green Party candidate for president—president of the United States, at least—you don't so much as "sweep through" anything. You slink through, virtually unnoticed.

Not even the weather cooperated with the Green Party last week in New York. The plan was to hold a press conference in front of Times Square's renowned Army recruiting station, but it was pouring. The Greens, of course, were happy to make their speeches in the rain—Greens don't fight Mother Nature, after all—but they quickly realized that the only reporters who like to stand in a deluge work for The Weather Channel.

So the press conference was convened under the awning of the now-defunct WWF Experience theme restaurant across from the recruiting station.  The few of us that did attend were lucky that the WWF Experience had gone belly up so that we could actually convene under the awning (although I worried that holding a press conference in front of a shuttered business would make the Greens seem anti-capitalist. Then again, perhaps Cobb was showing support for the free market, which has clearly rejected restaurants that too closely resemble souvenir stands).

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Not that it really mattered, of course. At the appointed hour, the entire press contingent consisted of an intern from CNN and me.   Not even the New York Times, whose front door is located less than 100 steps from the WWF Experience awning, could be troubled to send a reporter to listen to what the Greenies were saying.

The lack of media buzz was only one part of the "Not Ready for Prime Time" quality of the Green campaign. The other was David McReynolds. In his rumpled seersucker jacket, pink shirt and more pens in his breast pocket than a Hewlett Packard programmer, McReynolds was easily mistaken for the kind of guy I avoid on the subway—but it turned out, he's running for Senate on the Green ticket.  (Or trying to, at least. Getting on the ballot in New York State is about as easy as carving a turkey with those lame plastic spoons they give you at the deli—while swimming!).

McReynolds made a quick comment on the 9/11 commission report—hence the initial choice of the Army recruiting station as a backdrop—but wisely stopped talking (I knew I liked him for some reason) to introduce Cobb. Now, I've covered many political rallies in my day. Typically, when someone is introduced with the words, "And now I'd like to bring on the next president of the United States...," there's a very large applause. The bad news (for Cobb) was that there was not even a smattering. The good news (for me) is that there was no syrupy campaign theme song like "Don't Stop (Thinkin' About Tomorrow)."

But neither that, nor the meager media presence, dampened Cobb's immediate launch into bold campaign-rallyspeak: "This recruiting station is taking young people and turning them into fodder for an illegal and immoral war in Iraq! Support our troops—bring them home! We need to end our addiction to fossil fuels, which is driving us to war in the Middle East. We need to build schools instead of prisons. Health care is a fundamental human right! We need a living wage, not a minimum wage! And we need to repeal the Patriot Act!"

Again, there was no applause. There was a guy making a cellphone call ("Can you hear me? I'm losing you"). And the beer bum was uninspired. Not even Roosterman, a legendary Times Square figure who crows and makes crude sexual gestures, slowed down to listen to Cobb. A family of four stopped to stay out of the rain. I asked them if they liked what Cobb was saying. They said they hadn't been listening. "We love George Bush," the father said. "Now, we have to get to Madame Tussaud's." (Hmm, isn't that a French name?)

More people were watching the trailers for upcoming ABC shows on the Jumbotron behind Cobb's head than were listening to the candidate. ( I'll admit, even I drifted; I'm sorry, but tell me you're not excited about  "Lost"!). I felt so bad for him that I remembered I was a reporter and started asking questions (or maybe I was just trying to impress the young female CNN intern—professionally, I assure you!).

I asked Cobb if he was worried that a vote for him is really a vote for George W. Bush. OK, that was a softball—and Cobb was ready. "What others call 'spoiling the election' we call 'participating in democracy'," he said. "We are going to exercise our democratic rights. I'm going to go across the country talking about instant run-off voting!" (Go get 'em, tiger!)

When pressed, Cobb admitted that different rules apply in the swing states. "John Kerry is a corporatist and a militarist," Cobb said. "But if you live in a swing state, hold your nose and vote for Kerry."

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Finally, it was time to dive into the "crowd" and try to win some votes. Cobb made his pitch—end the war, take back the government from corporations, balance the budget, reform health care, protect the environment, etc.—and then waited for a reaction.

"How does that sound?" he asked one woman.

"Good," she said, with all the enthusiasm of someone choosing between laundry detergents. She was so engaged, in fact, that when Cobb asked if she had any questions, she and the rest of her family walked away.

Finally, the beer bum came over to talk about decriminalizing drugs. He and Cobb actually discussed it for several valuable campaign minutes, with Cobb making his case for more drug treatment and better housing for addicts.

"How are you going to pay for it?" the bum asked. Cobb explained that ending the war on drugs would create untold savings. The bum was impressed. "Thanks for coming out," Cobb said. (Coming out? It was really no bother; he lives under that awning.)

In the end, I felt bad for David Cobb. Take away that extreme Socialist crap and most Americans could find a lot of common ground with him. But because third party candidacies are considered such a joke, most of us would sooner vote for Oprah than for David Cobb.

Then again,  Oprah would kick Osama's ass! (You know she would).

Gersh Kuntzman is also a reporter for The New York Post. His website is at http://www.gersh.tv

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