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Let us now praise inexpensive burgers.

The time is right considering that we are in the midst of The Burger War, a ground-beef orgy in which top
 restaurateurs are competing to sell the city's "most-expensive hamburger" (talk about a bunch of oxymorons).

Thankfully, there exists a haven for Burger War refugees, a 60-year-old joint where Daniel Boulud's $50
 foie-gras-and-black-truffle-burger and The Old Homestead's $41 Kobe burger are as unimaginable as a $20 slice
 at Ray's or a $10 dirty-water dog.

That place is Burger Heaven. Seeking sanctuary, I stopped by only to find owner Marguerite Loucas reading the
 latest casualty figures from the Burger War's front lines.

"How can they even call this a hamburger?" she asked, looking at a full-color picture of Boulud's monstrosity.
 "That's not a burger! It's pate."

I ordered the classic half-pounder -- $5.45, thank you very much, and no charge for lettuce, tomato and grilled
 onions -- and was transported back to the days when joints like this were the norm rather than disappearing
 Mom and Pop establishments being sacrificed on the altar of culinary genericism.

Marguerite's grandfather, Ralph Caviris, opened his first burger restaurant -- the legendary Beefburger -- in
 1943. His son-in-law Evans Cyprus, who returned from World War II with a taste for the business, expanded the
 chain all over the East Side.

Cyprus still prowls each of his five Burger Heavens looking for a bad French fry (they're all cut by hand and
 never frozen) or a misshapen burger (they're all freshly ground from a mixture of prime and choice beef), but
 it is the third generation -- Loucas, her brother Nicholas Cyprus and their brother-in-law Dimitri Dellis --
 who are running the show now.

And they're not doing it for the fleeting fame that comes from hawking 15 ounces of prime press release.
 They're doing it to serve a real burger: a mound of meat grinded by hand, cooked exactly the way you asked for
 it and served on a real plate by a friendly human being, not a snooty stooge in a tuxedo.

"This is the burger that your body craves," Nicholas Cyprus said. "The $50 burger is a gimmick."

So, listen up, Burger War combatants: All he is saying is give peace a chance.

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gersh.kuntzman@verizon.net