There's nothing quite like the site of Ed Koch striding into a room full of senior citizens.

The applause rises in waves as Koch -- a little thinner of hair and a little thicker of body than we remember him -- makes his way down the aisle and reaches a crescendo as he arrives at the podium.

"It's me!" he says to no one in particular, in that tone -- half self-aggrandizing, half self-mocking -- that many people still mistake for hubris.

It is just the beginning of another virtuoso performance by Koch, another reminder that while other ex-leaders make us wish they would just disappear already, Koch makes many people wish he will stay just a little bit longer.

"Are you sure you won't run for mayor again?" one old man asks, inevitably. "We could really use you."

The crowd laughs and applauds again, but Koch -- who once answered such questions by saying, "The people didn't want me, and the people must be punished!" -- is having too much fun NOT being mayor to answer the man.

Yes, Koch is loving every minute of the busiest "retirement" from politics since Richard Nixon. At last count, the 76-year-old Koch is holding down 11 jobs -- including political columnist, movie reviewer for a chain of community weeklies, radio host and lawyer.

And don't forget those commercial endorsements (although most New Yorkers wish they could forget his traitorous endorsement of Dunkin Donuts bagels).

It is that work ethic that makes him a rock star to this particular group of seniors, residents of an "assisted living" residence run by a company called Atria.

"They think I'm a model spokesman because I never stop," Koch said. "But even though I will never retire, I know that when you get older, you need help -- not a nursing home -- but a little help." 

After all, Koch is no Superman. Every morning, he downs eight different pills and slides a hearing aid -- a recent development -- into his left ear. The recent deaths of former mayors Lindsay and Beame have put a new focus is on Koch's health. In fact, he collapsed from pneumonia just a few days after Beame's death made him the oldest living ex-mayor. 

And City Hall reporters scrambled a few weeks ago when they got a report that Koch was visiting one of Atria's five city residences. Considering Koch's mediocre health of late, the press corps naturally thought Hizzoner was checking out Atria for himself (it turned out he was merely inspecting the facility to make sure it was worthy of his endorsement). Some reporters also whisper that Koch is more subdued lately, more mouse than Mouth.

But when he enters the Atria library, with that Atria crowd, suddenly it's Hizzoner like he always was: the cherubic Koch pinching old ladies' cheeks, the combative Koch yelling at a guy who disagreed with him, the wistful Koch spinning yarns about his Polish immigrant father.

And he knows how to work this crowd: Just recite your aches and pains!

"You know, I've had a few medical problems," he says, the chuckles beginning. The laughs only increase as he lists, in rapid succession, his 1986 stroke, his mild heart attack in 1999 (laughter), his enlarged prostate in 2000 (big laugh), and his newsworthy collapses at the gym (hysterics all around).

Then he goes into his standard pitch about the importance of independent living and enjoying the greatness of New York. Heckling him on this topic will do you no good.

"New York is nothing special," challenges 92-year-old Tamara Shevell, who moved so recently to New York that, perhaps, she can be forgiven for underestimating her opponent. "In California, you can drive from one end to the other without paying a toll!"

"Yes, but you DO pay a price," Koch says, that index finger upraised. "You have to live in California!"

"It's wonderful in California," the woman parries back. "I wish I still lived there."

"There's no comparison, my dear," Koch says, touching her cheek fondly, yet walking away dismissively. "No comparison."

As he departs, one woman wants to hear that celebrated rhetorical question, the one Koch rarely utters anymore. He says it quickly, like a former child actor annoyed to revisit the catch phrase that once made him famous -- but there's no question what the answer is at that moment.

Ed Koch is doin' fine.

--30--