Who are the ad wizards who came up with THIS one?

I'm talking, of course, about mayoral candidate Alan Hevesi's TV ads. Like most early season campaign spots, they're filled with the typical footage of the good-looking city comptroller crusading through schools, holding very important press conferences and leading very important meetings.

But Hevesi's ads DO have something memorable: a little football-shaped disc bearing the letters "mebq" that sits in the corner of the screen just above Hevesi's name. What is "mebq?" you wonder. Is it some advanced degree Hevesi earned years ago or an honorific title he picked up on a fact-finding tour to a small Pacific island nation?

"Alan Hevesi, mebq." You rack the brain and only come up with unlikely possibilities for what it means. Could it be a campaign pledge: "Must Exterminate Bad Qadaffi"? A piece of health advice: "Munching Enchiladas? Buy Quinine"? A hidden liberal message: "Monkfish Extinct? Blame Quayle"? A bit of ego: "My Expanding, Bodacious Quadriceps"? Or maybe it's a not-so-hidden insight into his campaign strategy, considering he's running weakly in strongholds of opponents Fernando Ferrer and Peter Vallone: "Must Eliminate Bronx and Queens."

Seeing the "mebq" football made me feel like I was out of touch with the latest lingo. Did I miss something, or had "mebq" become a new expression, such as "BMOC" to describe a "big man on campus" or "AWOL" to describe an Army deserter?

Apparently not. I stopped 10 random people on the street ("random" because I employed neither racial nor ethnic profiling, "people" because two dogs refused to respond) and none knew what "mebq" meant (although one guy, an asthmatic, said it must mean "Mold Exascerbates Breathing Quirks" and another guy, a short-order chef, told me it meant, "Most Eggs Burn Quickly").

I didn't think either applied to the Hevesi campaign, so I called the comptroller's campaign guru, Hank Morris (i.e. the "ad wizard" who "came up" with "this one"). Morris said that I was mistaken. "Mebq" is not an indication that Hevesi supports an auto-free city ("Manhattan Engine-Block Quarantine"), boldly advocates better testing in schools ("Manly Espousing Better Quizes") or is simply upset about weak "light" beer ("Maltiness Evaporates Between Quaffs"). 

"Mebq" means, simply, "most experienced, best qualified." (Gee, and I was thinking it meant "Mostly Empty Bluster and Quackery").

Morris said that the "mebq" football is SUPPOSED to be annoying. "You're supposed to sit there on the couch and say, `Hmm, what does "mebq" mean?' And then you'll listen to the rest of the ad and find out it means `most experienced, best qualified.'" (I would've let Morris talk longer, but I've learned in journalism that most editors bemoan quotations.)

I asked whether there were other letters that the campaign had wrestled with, letters that might roll off the tongue a bit better, you know, something like "Nebish: Need an Energetic Boss? I Suggest Hevesi!"

But Morris defended "mebq" because it sends the "exact message" that the campaign wanted to send: that Hevesi is the most qualified and the best experienced (you know, "mqbe," or something like that).

Morris added that around the Hevesi campaign offices, "mebq" is actually referred to by the shorthand pronounciation "mebque" (MEHB-kew), which doesn't actually sound like shorthand to me at all. Morris said he even uses "mebque" in sentences, such as, "Can someone get me that mebque file over there?"

Perhaps "mebque" will be one of the lasting legacies of the Hevesi campaign, that regular New Yorkers will soon be using "mebque" in their everyday communications, as in, "Hey, Phil, we really gotta hire that guy from Morgan-Stanley. He's a total mebque kinda guy."

Perhaps, but until New Yorkers start knowing the true mebque Alan Hevesi, his campaign should be worried. For now, "mebq" is merely ridiculous, allowing critics to joke that the comptroller's sluggish campaign should hire a fung shui expert ("Must Experience Better Qi"), that he isn't in good enough physical shape for the grueling campaign ("Mind Encyclopedic, Body Quaggy"), that he's too much of a party boy ("Moonshine in Earthen Bowls Quenches"), that he's lost the support of outer-borough gays because he doesn't talk tough ("Mumbling Exasperates Brooklyn Queers"), that he'll have problems outside his white base (Minority Enclaves Bury Quiche-eaters") or that the pale Hevesi will look silly campaigning in waterfront communities over the summer ("Must Escape Beachware Quandary").

But I DO think Alan Hevesi is a mebque kinda guy. As in, "must elucidate better qualifications."

--30--

E-mail: gershny@yahoo.com