Would you vote for a man who promises that he's "making a difference"?
 How about a woman who says she's "on your side" or a guy who claims to
 have "experience you can trust"?

Maybe ... if you were back in HIGH SCHOOL, that is. Unfortunately, these
 and other juvenile slogans are part of the free-for-all known as this
 year's City Council election.

Sure, political analysts are cheering because term limits have forced a
 robust turnover in the Council -- but anyone with an ear for grammar,
 punctuation or concise writing should be appalled.

Or, in other words, what kind of slogan is "Real Results for Real
 People"? (What, FAKE people don't deserve results?)

"Slogans like that make me sick," said Hank Sheinkopf, a veteran
 political consultant who works for mayoral hopeful Mark Green.

"But in local races, the campaign doesn't even have enough money to go to
 the bathroom, so the slogan is often written by the candidate himself,"
 Sheinkopf said. "And politicians aren't the most creative people in the
 world."

So instead of slick, tried-and-true blather like Fernando Ferrer's "A
 mayor for all New Yorkers" and Green's "Educating Children, Protecting
 Families" -- out in the Council districts, where two-bit candidates
 fight to "make a difference" or "put people first," the voting public is
 treated to slogans so phenomenally vapid that I and Jimmy Breslin want
 to shoot ourselves.

Breslin once ran for City Council president promising, "No more
 bulls---!" Now that was a great slogan: Not only does it mock the very
 IDEA of slogans, but also captures a vast area untouched by conventional
 politicians (whose slogans are, by definition, a CONTINUANCE of the
 "bulls---").

"Politicians are sub-human!" Breslin bellowed in a voice that needed a
 shave. "Green's slogan is something out of a parents magazine! Why do
 they listen to focus groups? Focus groups are those idiots who stand on
 line to see `The Price is Right'!"

Experts in the field of brand marketing -- and what is a modern
 politician but a product on a shelf? -- say that most slogans fail
 because they don't distinguish a candidate in the marketplace of ideas.

Who, after all, is the ad wizard who came up with City Council hopeful
 Peter Williams's impotent slogan, "Prepared to Serve"?

"Apple's slogan, `Think Different,' doesn't even mention computers," said
 Jonathan Chajet, a brand strategist at Siegelgale, a West Coast
 consulting firm. "But it does convey that Apple helps people express
 themselves. Candidates need to do that."

But slogans must also MEAN something, added branding expert Steve Hersh,
 who specializes in reviving brands (remember ReaLemon? If you do, you
 can thank Steve Hersh).

"Unknown candidates can't offer fluff," Hersh said. The point, of course,
 is to give voters what marketing experts call the Reason to Believe.

"Most slogans don't give me that RTB," Hersh said. "You can't just say,
 `Your Best Choice.' Where's my RTB, baby?"

Hersh was particularly appalled by Council candidate Tony Spencer's
 pledge to be "a full-time Councilman." "What, so his campaign promise is
 to work 9 to 5? Where's the RTB?"

I found much worse in my exhaustive survey ("survey" because I visited 80
 percent of New York's five boroughs, "exhaustive" because I missed lunch
 doing it). How about these clunkers:

Yvette Clarke for City Council: "Following in a Family Tradition of
 Service to the Community" (sounds like a slogan for a neighborhood
 Italian restaurant with mediocre marinara sauce).

Herberto Mateo for City Council: "I Need Your Vote" (that's kinda woeful,
 like Nike taking out an ad reading, "Please buy our shoes so we can make
 a profit").

Kathryn Freed for Public Advocate: "Someone Always Cares When the City
 Doesn't" (what is she, Big Brother?).

Mitchel Cohen for mayor (write-in), whose poster shows him getting
 arrested at a 1985 anti-Apartheid rally: "The Most `Arresting'
 Candidate" (he hasn't been arrested in 16 years and he calls himself
 qualified?).

But my favorite was City Council candidate Paul Bader. While some slogans
 present candidates as leaders with vision, Bader's slogan promises a
 leader with 20-20 hindsight: "Paul Bader: The ONLY Democrat who would
 have voted `yes' on the Brooklyn Cyclones' stadium!"

What's next for Bader? "Paul Bader: I would have invested in Microsoft in
 1980! No, I really would have!"

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email: gershny@yahoo.com