//metrognome logo-4-28-03// ¶ If the economy keeps going sour, at least there’s one job I can get. ¶ I don’t mean to brag, but I just got an 86-percent score on the city’s new tour guide test — a "more accurate" and "thoughtful" examination designed to ensure that our 1,300 licensed guides know their stuff. ¶ The actual 150-question exam will start to be administered in May, but Consumer Affairs commissioner Gretchen Dykstra was pretty damn impressed by my score on the sample test. ¶ "You did very well," Dykstra said, looking over my errors (and forgiving me for not knowing that "Civic Fame" is the statue on top of the Municipal Building). ¶ "But an enthusiastic, old-time newspaper columnist like you should pass. We want people like you giving tours." ¶ Sensing that I was about to be sold a bridge (the first one that connected two major cities, as any good tour guide will tell you), I asked Dykstra why she sought a new test. She said that a harder test would instill pride among the guide corps and confidence among tourists. ¶ Plus, the old test had basic inaccuracies — such as a picture of a matched pair of towers that were once the tallest buildings in the city. ¶ But some people — not top columnists of course, but others — will fail the harder test. ¶ "What’s your point?" Dykstra asked. "Bad guides should fail. A bad guide can ruin someone’s trip." ¶ The new test is a bit heavy-handed. A simple question like, "What are the origins of the name of Brooklyn?" is proceeded by a very long lecture about the origins of every other borough’s name. Is this a quiz or a course? ¶ It’s both. "As a former teacher, I think exams should teach as well as test," Dykstra said. ¶ Of course, I already knew that Newtown Creek is the body of water under the Kosciusko Bridge — so I guess that means I’m qualified to give a walking tour of the sewage plant near there. ¶ OK, so maybe it has a few bum questions, but the new test has been received favorably by the very people who’ll take it. ¶ "The old one was mostly mindless trivia," said Seth Kamil, who runs Big Onion Walking Tours. ¶ "Things like ‘What borough is connected to the American mainland’ or ‘What team did Lou Gehrig play for?’¤ So this is an improvement." ¶ --30-- gersh.kuntzman@verizon.net